Before this morning, Colton Underwood was most widely known for jumping a fence on Season 23 of The Bachelor because he loved Cassie Randolph.
The 29-year-old leapt over a monumental obstacle in an exclusive sit-down interview with Good Morning America‘s Robin Roberts, which aired Wednesday morning, by coming out as gay:
The full piece ranged approximately 13 minutes and 30 seconds. The former NFL tight end bravely overcame obvious nerves to vocalize how dark his journey to reclaim his identity has been:
“Obviously, this year’s been a lot for a lot of people, and it’s probably made a lot of people look themselves in the mirror and figure out who they are and what they’ve been running from or what they’ve been putting off in their lives. And for me, I’ve ran from myself for a long time. I’ve hated myself for a long time. And I’m gay. I came to terms with that earlier this year and have been processing it. … I’m emotional, but I’m emotional in such a good, happy, positive way. I’m the happiest and healthiest I’ve ever been in my life.”
Underwood then revealed that he had slipped into a “dark and bad” place that forced him to confront what he never wanted to acknowledge himself or publicly share. “I would’ve rather died than say, ‘I’m gay,'” he said.
Roberts asked if Underwood ever thought about self-harm, and he admitted that one unspecified morning in Los Angeles he woke up when he had not intended to ever wake up again. “I think, for me, that was my wake-up call of, like, this this your life. Take back control.” Other examples of suicidal ideation included driving his car near the edge of a cliff, but he does not carry those thoughts anymore since accepting his truest self.
Elsewhere in the interview, Underwood said he has known that he was “different” since he was six years old and recognized he was gay in high school, but growing up within the masculine football culture perpetuated gay stereotypes and triggered him to bury his identity.
Inevitably, Roberts asked Underwood about being The Bachelor franchise’s 23rd leading man and how he would address people who may feel he “misled those women from that season”:
“I would understand why they think that way. I thought a lot about this, too, of, do I regret being The Bachelor? Do I regret handling it the way that I did? I do. I do think I could have handled it better. I’ll say that. I just wish I wouldn’t have dragged people into my own mess of figuring out who I was. I genuinely mean that. But I also, at the same time that I can say I’m sorry to all of those women, I can also say thank you because them and without The Bachelor franchise, I don’t know if this would have ever came out.”
Underwood’s Bachelor season was defined by the fact that he was a virgin:
Ultimately Underwood ended up with Randolph, though they did not get engaged like couples usually do on the show. Their relationship lasted until publicly announcing their split in late May 2020. Randolph then filed for a restraining order against Underwood last September but dropped it in early November.
Underwood told Roberts that he genuinely did love Randolph. “That only made it harder and very confusing for me,” he said. “If I’m being very honest. I loved everything about her. … I would just say that I’m sorry from the bottom of my heart. I’m sorry for any pain or emotional stress that I caused. I wish it wouldn’t have happened the way it did. I wish that I would have been courageous enough to fix myself before I broke anybody else.”
Underwood also touched on how fearful he was to come out to his family and close friends, but largely, they reacted by asking why he hadn’t told them sooner.
The full interview can be watched on Good Morning America‘s official website.
Megan Armstrong (@megankarmstrong) is a writer with previous work appearing in places such as Billboard, Bleacher Report, GQ and others. She’s most interested in writing about people and how they live their lives, through the framework of music, entertainment and sports.
