TORONTO – The bond between a father and his daughter through the eons of time oft times has lent itself to a simple phrase, ‘Daddy’s little girl.’ As a father celebrates every milestone, from scrapped knees and the childhood joys of discovery in the world around her to walking her down the aisle and watching her get married- to greeting his first grandchild, that bond is unshakeable.
However, for the LGBTQ+ community, especially the Trans community more often than not the example of that kind of a bond is fleeting at best and fiction at worst. But then too not necessarily in a broad stroke way as exemplified by a Dad from Toronto, Ontario, Canada.
Meet Jamie Alexander, the proud father of a 12 year old trans girl who alongside his daughter Ruby has created a business that not only caters to other Trans kids like her, but embraces them in a unique and affirming way.
The Alexanders launched RUBIES, in part to a family trip to the Central American. Alexander became concerned over the issue of what should Ruby wear to the beach in a country that may not be ready for a girl like her. Then in a larger sense, what of the thousands of other Trans girls? From that sense of practicality an idea was born and an online enterprise was launched.
On the company’s website it reads, “The question practically answered itself: form-fitting clothing for trans girls. Each pair of RUBIES bikini bottoms and underwear features a soft compression that provides worry-free comfort and helps keep everything in place. It’s designed for the beach, the gym, the pool, or the dance lessons – without the slightest compromise in style.”
Alexander wrote about their journey together in 2019 in an essay (below) condensed and edited for clarity;
Ruby’s relationship with girls clothing and shoes as she navigated her gender identity may have started as early as three years old. I had exposed her to a music video of a silhouetted Beyoncé no-no-no-ing while expounding the virtues of being a single lady. Ruby would dance around in my wife Ange’s black patent leather pumps busting out PG-13 moves.
A few months prior I had listened to a podcast on This American life or some such show about a father who discovers his boy was exhibiting gender fluid behaviour (a term I would not learn until later). He discussed his eventual acceptance starting with the purchase of a pink bike complete with silver streamers. When I heard this at the time I frankly was thanking the stars that Ruby was obsessed with fire trucks and cars. I figured dancing in mommy’s shoes was something any little kid might want to do.
When she was five her princess obsession kicked off into high gear spurred on by Princess Fiona from the fractured fairytale Shrek. The release of Tangled solidified my role as prince in her hourly staging of Disney’s take on Rapunzel. Ruby’s head was always wrapped up in multiple bedsheets knotted together and dangled down a flight of stairs to aid her rescue. That performance ran every day for a solid year. After that Ruby would star in and direct plays with her friends. She defied gravity as Elphaba in Wicked and sung a heart wrenching rendition of I Dreamed a Dream from Les Mis, unknowingly singing the definitely not-so-appropriate-for-a-7-yr-old song about how her childhood was robbed by a man.
From early on Ruby would only wear tank tops and held disdain for shirts that would cover her shoulders. I traveled a lot for work at this time and it took me a while to realize that the souvenir t-shirts I would bring home would lay dormant in her drawers. One time I opened her room and she was hacking away at the sleeves of one of my latest gifts with a pair of scissors. From then on we would snip off those unnecessary bits of fabric to suit her style.
Ruby was accepted at an arts school that every spring selects thirty girls and thirty boys out of five hundred kids who sing, dance and act their way through a series of auditions that pay much more attention to passion than aptitude. Ruby had the former in spades and to our surprise was accepted to the school.
I had to call the principal and explain that they may for the first year have a gender imbalance at the school now that one of their prospective male students was going to start school as a girl. As if it was destiny that year in a bureaucratic error they had accepted thirty-one boys and twenty-nine girls. The principal was overjoyed that this bungle could be reversed. (As an aside, Principal Lucas was one of the most supportive and influential figures in Ruby’s school life).
Ruby like most other tween girls her age has taken a liking to makeup and hair care (she had already started pilfering Ange’s blush when she was six!). Unlike some more responsible parents, we are quite liberal in our parenting when it comes to makeup and have few rules except not to use Mommy’s more expensive products! Despite the fact that her makeup is now flawless, since you know, eleven year old girls need to use concealer, there were at least a few days where Ruby unwittingly showed up at school in clown face.
With the whirlwind of activities at school and after school such as swimming, gymnastics and dance came the necessity to buy swimwear, leggings and leotards causing no end to anxiety about how Ruby can safely wear form fitting clothing. For a while it was board shorts for swimming and the beach and gymnastics in frumpy sweatpants.
After a while we both started to feel more comfortable among friends and family with her wearing clothing that any other kids of her age might wear, like two piece bikinis and tight leggings. On one occasion after a trip to the beach while camping I was told by friends who came along with their kids that Ruby is wink wink nudge nudge “quite confident”.
This is all coming from very supportive peeps that, including myself are not accustomed to seeing the male form in women’s clothing. Not too long ago my parents, also incredibly supportive people, contacted me to awkwardly ask if I knew what Ruby had been wearing at my sister’s pool. I asked them what they were worried about because Ruby sure as hell didn’t seem to be bothered. I jokingly thought that perhaps there were transphobic people hiding out in the trees near my sister’s quite private swimming pool.
A few months ago, Ruby and I went on a sixteen day trip to Panama, every day of which we were experiencing new adventures together. There were many chances to go swimming and we decided together that for safety Ruby would continue wearing her board shorts.
I feel bad for being reluctant to let my daughter wear what she wanted from when she started begging me to dress as a princess for Halloween. Ultimately, we were and continue to be worried about her safety, and being a responsible parent is about making difficult decisions. Perhaps if Ange and I were steeped in the LGBTQ community it would come more natural, but this is all fairly new to us.
While we have gone to a number of pride marches over the years we have now transitioned from spectators to participants. The last two trans marches have had great turnouts and we all can bask in the open affirmation of Ruby’s identity. Last June with an ever expanding number of marchers, spanning at least three city blocks, it was the first year when the streets were lined with allies showing their support after some unfortunate events at a march in a less accommodating city the week prior. This was a truly moving experience for the whole family and Ruby was glowing for days afterwards.
I would like to imagine a world where kids can wear whatever they want irrespective of their anatomy. I am certain in another generation this will be the case, at least in the progressive cities of North America. In the meantime we can find ways to help our kids express themselves safely.
The Blade spoke to Alexander Monday about the company and he expressed his determination to manufacture a clothing line that would lift up and ensure greater body positivity for transgender children. But he also expressed his and Ruby’s determination to make a difference for the Trans kids that needed to be uplifted and have their gender identity validated.
Alexander pointed out that is an important and nuanced matter, especially clothing with the right coverage ensures more than just comfort and support—it can provide physical safety, too. Transgender youths are subject to bullying and violence at much higher rates than cisgender youths, a reality he and his wife Angela were acutely aware of. Their concern spurred a thorough online search for bottoms with better compression.
Alexander had done his research and found that even with the tens of thousands of Trans kids just in the United States and his native Canada, there were few options for clothing that would be gender affirming for those young people.
“All the products were for trans adults then sized down. There were no brands that spoke to trans kids, who are the same as other kids and just want something that resonates with them,” he said.
In a July 2020 blog post at Shopify where RUBIES is based as a retailer, writer Roxanne Voidonicolas noted;
In October of 2019, Alexander left his role as Chief Technology Officer at a software company he’d founded to start a new business: RUBIES. His mission was to create form-fitting bikini bottoms for transgender girls and non-binary kids under the age of 14. More importantly, he wanted to build a brand that uplifted trans kids.
“There’s a big political focus in the transgender community, which I’m grateful for. But, I didn’t want to go that route with RUBIES,” he said. “I wanted to focus on celebrating trans kids. Because that’s what they are: they’re just kids. And we should celebrate them the way we celebrate all other kids.”
Though wholly new to apparel and fashion, Jamie was no stranger to entrepreneurship, having previously built three successful businesses. He poured himself into the inclusive fashion industry and joined the Fashion Zone at Ryerson, (In Toronto) which helps aspiring entrepreneurs start apparel businesses. The Fashion Zone provides budding entrepreneurs with access to equipment, workshops, and industry advisors and professionals.
It was there that he met a local garment engineer, Olena Vivcharyuk. Alexander’s vision resonated with Olena, and she helped design and sew the first bikini bottom prototype for RUBIES.
With her help, Alexander produced 25 bikini bottom prototypes, and was ready to start testing them. He knew from his former roles that it was integral to get as much feedback as possible, as early as possible.
As a member of various groups on Facebook for parents with transgender children, Alexander knew how close-knit the community was and quickly realized parents would be open to their kids trying out the bottoms. In exchange for their time and feedback, RUBIES offered them free bikini bottoms by mail.
What Alexander didn’t expect was just how much enthusiasm he’d encounter. “I was overwhelmed with the positive responses. But, the first set of bottoms were completely wrong by a full size. Every single prototype. It was a mess,” he said, laughing. But that didn’t deter him.
Ten iterations later, Alexander was ready to launch the Ruby Shaping Bikini Bottom product. Within two months, RUBIES had shipped over 250 pairs.
These days as summer approaches and people are finally able to escape the clutches of the coronavirus pandemic and travel to the beaches, pools, and lakes or just playing in their own backyards, Trans kids will be able to feel free to be themselves and have some much needed body positivity.
The Blade asked Ruby how she felt about being able to provide a gender affirming swim-wear line to young trans girls and others? She told the Blade she feels proud to be part of company that is changing people’s lives Her message for young Trans people, “To be yourself. Only you get to decide who you want to be.”
Finally, she says that she wants to let other trans and non binary kids know that there are so many others in the world just like them and that they are not alone.
For more information about the Alexander’s company you can head here:
Website– http://rubyshines.com/
Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/rubiesdad/
Application for donated bottoms – https://rubyshines.com/pages/free-swimwear-for-families-in-need
GoFundMe Campaign – https://www.gofundme.com/f/nz7aec-help-me-send-form-fitting-swimwear-to-trans-girls
Ruby and Jamie Alexander’s interview on CBC discussing the mission of RUBIES last year:
