In the past 16 years, tantra teacher Jason has worked with around 12,000 men.
Jason believes tantra is one of the ways to help gay men delve further into their self-discovery.
However, for many years, Jason – who went to a catholic school and grew up in Trowbridge, in Wiltshire – thought he was the only gay person in the world.
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“As a teenager, I used to go to bed asking god to take it away because I couldn’t cope with it,” he continued. “Coming out as gay is a form of spiritual awakening – you grow up in a heteronormative world but, as a gay man, you have to step out of that.
“It takes a lot of courage and honesty to do that – there is a lot of men that do not do it.
“Sexual identities are far more varied now and society is a lot more accepting.”
Jason came out to his family when he was around 18 as he didn’t want to lead a double life, having joined a youth group for gay men in Bristol at the time.
He said this group saved him and he made friends for life there.
Jason – who moved to Bristol when he was 21 but now spends his time between the UK, the US and Thailand – said he first became interested in helping men after working at the Men as Survivors Helpline (MASH) in his late 20s.
“I used to listen to men calling about sexual abuse and I felt I didn’t have the skills to help these people so I went to do training at university,” he said.
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(Image: John Myers)
Jason then went to the University of Bristol to train as a counsellor, doing a placement at Horfield Prison as part of this, and qualifying at the age of 33.
The tantra teacher said that, in his experience, people typically get to a point in their lives when they start to ask themselves questions as they feel not everything is working as they would like it to.
Jason said that, when people live their lives just around what they like, their views of the world start to narrow and tantra is about teaching people to go beyond their preferences.
He said that gay marriage has been brilliant in bringing equality but that, in his experience, the dynamics of a gay marriage are quite different to a heterosexual one, with it being quite common for gay men to have open relationships.
The 48-year-old – who runs Tantra4gaymen – said: “Sex is a metaphor of who you are, it is when you are at your most vulnerable, and can’t hide away.
“Tantra provides gay men with liberation from themselves, helping them to get in touch with who they are, navigate boundaries, and explore different ways of interacting with others.”
He said tantra gives people freedom, adding men come to his sessions for a variety of reasons such as feeling stuck or looking for something beyond talking therapy.
Jason said that people may come in for a weekend of tantra massage but that he teaches a lot more than that.
He added tantric sex is just a small part of tantra and described sexuality as the gateway in, adding what happens is that a whole world with love at its centre opens then.
The teacher described tantra as a “spiritual pathway to awakening”.
“Talking about sexuality is what brings people in,” he said. “Tantra is about truth and love.
“I am getting people in touch with parts of themselves that are beyond the mind.
“Tantra uses sexual energy to connect with places beyond your mind or your day to day.”
(Image: John Myers)
Jason said it is about bringing awareness and feeling to sex, comparing tantric sex with fast food and a Michelin-starred meal.
“Tantra is that 12 course meal with wine pairing,” he added. “Once you have tasted it, that is what you want.
“We help people to really enjoy a Michelin-starred meal.”
Tantra4gaymen is open to all men who love men, he said, adding it was important to be able to go into that space knowing you would be with people like you who have similar interests.
He set it up in 2008, starting a couple of years earlier as a hobby, but it is only in the last few years that it has really grown.
Five years ago, they expanded into the US and he now has 22 facilitators teaching his work in various countries, Jason continued.
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These days, Tantra4gaymen offers a variety of options, including workshops, retreats and a festival in Glastonbury.
Around 130 men go to their festival from all over the world, Jason said, because they know they are going to experience something profound and loving.
Jason said he had taught heterosexual groups before and it was very different to what he is used to teaching.
He said that the idea that tantra is about having hours-long orgasms is a stereotype, saying tantra is about using your sexual energy as part of a spiritual journey.
He added it was like yoga, but more interesting, and explained: “Sex and sexuality is part of a spiritual journey – it is a starting point.
“In a tantra workshop, you can expect to become undressed at some point and to experience touch.
“We do different meditations, breathwork and we also work with sexual energy.
“It is completely different from normal sex.
“The way I describe tantric sex is two or more people going in to have sex with a spiritual intention, to discover what is beyond being horny.
“You are paying attention to what is happening.”
Jason said that, in tantra, he was looking for a way to help people heal sexual trauma as well.
He said that, in his case, he had experienced different forms of abuse and spent a decade receiving counselling, but that talking therapy could only go so far and that there are different stages to healing sexual trauma.
Tantra allows people to reach different spaces, he said, and can help people to learn how to express themselves, experience pleasure, trust and set boundaries, for instance.
“A lot of men that come to me have experienced sexual trauma,” he continued. “I also get a lot of men that have got problems with chemsex.
“In their 30s, they are desensitized and can not have sex in a normal way without taking drugs.
“They are not in touch with their bodies and underneath maybe there are issues of not wanting to be gay or sexual.
“Tantra gives them a path back into their bodies so they can feel again and not feel shame.”
(Image: John Myers)
Jason said tantra gives people expanded experiences of sex, going beyond what they already know in what he described as “toe-curling orgasms”.
People can then take these sexual experiences to their lives, he continued, and said that tantra can transform people’s lives, with students often making changes as a result of it.
This could be in their sex lives but also in their jobs or how and where they live, among others.
Jason has now been with his husband Ingo for 16 years, meeting in a tantra workshop in Germany while training.
He said that a lot of people form relationships in tantra, but that it is not very common for people to end up getting married.
In his case, they married eight years ago in Glastonbury for Jason’s 40th birthday.
“What people do not realise is that they have a choice in how they see the world – that is very spiritual, but also a very every day thing,” he continued. “You can see the world in any way you want.
“Once you start living a freer life, you can not go back.”
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