From the Queen’s personal assistant to managing queens – meet Hertfordshire’s ‘Gay Godfather’ – Herts Live

Clive Duffey may not be a name you know immediately but he has lived quite the life, and he has no plans to stop anytime soon.

As part of the pride month celebrations, HertsLive spoke to several ‘older’ members of the LGBTQ+ community across the county to hear their experiences growing up in a time when being gay was so different to now and what the younger generations can learn from older LGBTQ+ members of society.

Clive, originally from Cheltenham, Gloucestershire moved to Hertfordshire when he was 19 and has stayed here for 30 years, it must have its perks.

As mentioned, Clive has lived some life, so we asked him to start from the beginning before he found himself doing everything he could for Herts’ LGBTQ+ scene.

Read more: The Herts Pubs taking part in Ask For Clive’s first Pub Pride event

Clive’s background is originally in-venue events and hospitality management and, for 25 years, he worked as the manager at Chelsea Flower Show.

He was the Queen’s personal assistant at Buckingham Palace tea parties and also hosted the richest of the rich at Royal Ascot. You can see why he now considers himself to be Hertfordshire royalty, no one can disagree, can they?

After his status was built over many years, serving champagne, lobster and caviar to the cream of high society, Clive took a role at Knebworth House, where he spent another 14 years running concerts featuring icons such as Oasis and Shirley Bassey.

In 2014, Clive began his new career in sexual health, where he began working for the HIV and sexual health charity, the Terrence Higgins Trust where he provides support for those living with HIV and those who are recently diagnosed.

He also provides training to professionals about HIV and sexual health.

Of course, that isn’t it, he also is the co-founder of his own charity, Ask for Clive, he runs a transgender support group in Hertfordshire, has hosted LGBT events across the county and he is one of the organisers for Herts Pride.

“There was an internalised fear about being gay”

Clive grew up at the height of discrimination for gay men, when you absolutely couldn’t just come out without fear of being blacklisted, losing family, friends, a career and – due to the AIDS crisis – life.

He said he knew he was first attracted to men at the age of nine but it was a decade later that he came to the full conclusion that he was gay.

Throughout all of senior school, he wasn’t out nor discovered to be gay, that just wasn’t an option.

Clive said: “There was an internalised fear about being gay due to one thing when I was leaving senior school in 1985, AIDS came along and that was it.

“The fear about being gay and having aids, coming out at that particular time was not an option for me, because I wasn’t secure in myself.”

Clive says that even though there have been great strides made in how people can choose to come out nowadays, it is still very difficult for people to come out when they want to, on their own terms.

He worked in theatre from age 17 to 19 and still didn’t feel he could come out.

“The strange thing was I was working in theatre, I was surrounded by gay and bi men but back then if I came out I could have potentially lost my family and my job because there were no protections at the time,” Clive said.

Clive moved to Hertfordshire where he found more freedom as the Capital was only a short distance away. This opened up the opportunity for him to go to more clubs, see more of his community and feel safer.

“I didn’t come out until I was 23 years old, that’s when I finally felt strong enough that I was able to come out to people about my sexuality.”

Clive didn’t have the choice to come out, it was forced due to an activity that happened during the evening between himself and another man.

“I came out to my best friend and then the lodger of the house I was staying at because they were asleep in the same room, it went well luckily and the next thing I did was tell my parents and family.”

Clive said he was extremely lucky to have a very good coming out experience with his family, he also said it wasn’t a massive surprise that it went well.

He said: “I wasn’t totally surprised that I had a very good coming out experience with my family and I was very lucky but not everyone gets that chance due to so many reasons.”

He even came out to his staff at Knebworth, who was initially concerned his big announcement was him quitting, luckily for them he didn’t and they were very supportive of his decision.

Clive hopes that more change will come in terms of reaction to same sex couples and trans rights, noting that even in gay ‘Capitals’ such as Brighton, Manchester and London you can still face victimisation for holding hands in the street.

It’s also important for people to know their past and their future so they can steer the status quo in the right direction, remembering the work of trailblazers both living and dead such as Peter Tatchell.

Clive also spotted some recommended watching including Paris is Burning and Pose, to really capture what being part of this community was like when we were so much more outcast.

“The younger generations will cry, then smile and then learn about their history,” Clive said.