Google News alerts me any time any celebrity says anything that’s even leaning up against the idea of being gay — or when websites lie about it. Starting two weeks ago I kept hearing that Vanessa Carlton’s “A Thousand Miles” was about Jessica Chastain, but I also kept hearing that Kristen Stewart was going to make another Twilight movie if Bella Swan could be bisexual. Just a lot of bananapants rumors out here, you know? Okay, but then! Today! My Sara Ramirez Google News alert mentioned this Vanessa Carlton/Jessica Chastain thing, so I finally clicked on it — and lo! A gay from the TikTok The Baldridges has done a special investigation about Vanessa Carlton’s “A Thousand Miles” and decided it’s either about Jessica Chastain, Sara Ramirez, or Rutina Wesley, which means this thing now has my full attention.
@thebaldridges The truth is out there! #athousandmiles #lgbt #vanessacarlton
Okay so the theory goes like this: Vanessa Carlton is a known bisexual who one time said “A Thousand Miles” is about a crush she had on someone who went to Juilliard with her. And guess who went to Juilliard with her? Yuh: Other known queers Sara Ramirez and Rutina Wesley! @thebaldridges also points out that walking really fast with a blank stare on your face is queer culture, and I cannot disagree.
I would also point out, as we often do when we talk about Taylor Swift, that straight people simply do not pine with the same kind of intensity as queer people. Walking one hundred miles on a treadmill in an air conditioned room seems straight; walking one thousand miles through a mystical timeless void? That’s gay. Also, there’s at least three employees of Autostraddle dot com who would absolutely walk one thousand miles through the flames of literal hell for Sara Ramirez and Rutina Wesley, so, I mean, there’s a precedent.
Thank you for your investigatory work, The Baldridges! We look forward to your next gay deep dive about which soft butch Kacey Musgraves’ song “Space Cowboy” is about.
@thebaldridges who wouldn’t walk a thousand miles for @jes_chastain ????
