DEAR DEIDRE: MY lover won’t admit she is gay but when she’s drunk, she is all over me.
I’m a woman of 37 and she is 38. We met while working in a school where she is a teacher and I’m a teaching assistant.
We became friends and then lovers. I’ve been openly gay since my teens, but I’ve always been her guilty secret.
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After six months she ended our relationship, saying she had no time to be with anyone.
But she contacted me a week later and invited me to her home. As soon as I walked in, we kissed and ended up having sex.
The next night she called me, although this time she was drunk. We got together again and ended up having sex.
She told me she loved me but said I deserved better and should be with someone else.
But the next day she switched, insisting she had no feelings for me whatsoever and she only wanted friendship.
She’s very manipulative. I know she plays games with my feelings and it’s getting me down.
DEIDRE SAYS: You can’t make her come out but if you want to develop this relationship, explain that you won’t wait around for ever.
Give yourself a time limit for her to commit to you.
If she can’t be open, explain that casual relationships aren’t your style and you’re going to find somebody who takes a relationship with you seriously.
You can both find emotional support through the LGBT Foundation (lgbt.foundation, 0345 3 30 30 30).